DjMagra’s stuff ‘n’ stuff

Arsenal - Mariah Carey - Looks the part, but whinges like fook when she cant have her own way.

Aston Villa - Natalie Imbruglia - One big hit, but now just hangs around annoying everyone.

Birmingham City - Charlotte Church - looks solid at the back and a bit of a fiery one. Has one ugly mother for a manager.

Blackburn Rovers - Janice Battersby - Common as muck Lancy, but strangely likeable in a down-to-earth kinda way.

Bolton Wanderers - Delta Goodrem - Always looks like she might go down but never does!

Charlton Athletic - Denise Van Outen - Chirpy but pointless Cockney who just never seems to go away.

Chelsea - Maggie Thatcher - Hated by millions, supported by idiots!

Everton - Barbara Windsor - Been laughing at those t*ts so long we forget that once upon a time they were actually quite good!

Fulham - Jennifer Lopez- has had millions of pounds and bags of hype thrown at her, but is still ultimately talentless.

Leicester City - Sarah-Louise Platt - Very short on cash and prospects, but ‘foxy’ nonetheless

Leeds United - Christina Aguilera - one seriously Dirrrty bitch.

Liverpool - Sophie Ellis Bextor - Individually all the components look fantastic - just doesn’t work when put together.

Man City - Kate Bush - Mad as a fookin hatter. Has some belting moments then disappears for years on end.

Man United - Jordan - Hated by millions. Massive t*ts no matter how you look at it.

Middlesborough - Atomic Kitten- Can look quite good at the back - but nothing at all up front to speak of.

Newcastle United - Kat Slater - Great up front, but cant shake the uncouth element

Portsmouth - Tracy Barlow - Recent resurgence. Likes to dabble with the older man.

Southampton - Little Mo from Eastenders - Quiet as a mouse and knows her place, but impossible to dislike.

Tottenham - Madonna - Been shite for years, but still thinks she’s ‘big’.

Wolves - Betty Turpin - Totally pointless and shouldn’t even be there